if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
