I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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