I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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