rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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