She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
