You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
