So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
