Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
