Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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