Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
