I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Are my feet made of real feet?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
