dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
