just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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