He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
