We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
