I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
