I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
