I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
