i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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