apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
