I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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