Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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