then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
