Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
