I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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