Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
