those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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