so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
