Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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