If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
