I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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