I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
