So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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