I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
