I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
