zippers are such a cool invention
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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