I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
