And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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