ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
