You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
