her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
