I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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