hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
