I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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