What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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