You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
