Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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