this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
