My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
