I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
