at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
