You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
