Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
